Things Will Never Be The Same - Adventure Year Week 49

At some point in time I will eventually be able to talk about the news I received this week, but right now I  can't.  Right now, all I can do is feel the sting of pain in my chest, the wet tears rolling down my cheeks, and the swollen throat that makes it hard to speak.  Most of my week has been spent in silence, in mourning, and in surrender to grief.  The only relief from the weight of grief has been in moments of observing nature, listening to music, and diving into spiritual wisdom and practices.  I share some of that relief here, just as a way to honor the grief and the sadness that maybe one day I'll be able to share.

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Joy or pain, the colors of the sunrise are still the same.

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 20, 2020 at 3:28am PDT

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A few things blooming in the garden right now: forget-me-nots, lily of the valley, dead nettle, violets, and mini orchids. Cultivated, picked, and arranged by @marlowcc.

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 21, 2020 at 5:27am PDT

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Damp, but not dampened.

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 22, 2020 at 1:02pm PDT

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What this photo can’t convey is how close to the surface my empathetic sensitivity has been this week. Sometimes this is a superpower- like when it makes me a very intuitive and thoughtful listener- which is very helpful for business consulting and healing work in which I’m helping other people gain clarity around how to make the most of the energy and time they have. Where it can be rough is when I encounter an onslaught of negative news, or a string of heavy complaints or arguments. That’s when my body feels an energetic impact that I can only describe as standing in front of a fan blowing shards of glass at my bare skin. However, as my sensitivity has grown, so has my strength for feeling the intensity of the sensations in my body. Inner strength has become a necessity for being able to witness pain in other people without shutting down or checking out. I am strong enough to endure the pain when it comes, but if I stand in the stream of that pain/anger/bitterness too long, I end up needing more recovery time alone. Some people say that being this sensitive is a bad thing. However, the depth and clarity with which I can experience the hard stuff is also the same depth and clarity with which I can bathe in the blissful moments of life as well. So I remind myself as often as possible to return to places of bliss. Just indulging in the scent of these lilacs, the way they bloom like popcorn, the weight of them folding over like big puppy ears, and softness like feathers... are all ways I can indulge just as deeply in sensing and feeling the fine and delicate textures of nature. So, this is how I continually find ways to return to bliss within my senses, even when the rest of the world all feels a little too rough around the edges.

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 23, 2020 at 3:29am PDT

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A few moments of peace.

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 24, 2020 at 4:28am PDT