Poverty in Optimism & Pessimism - Gratitude Journal

A variety of events and conversations have me thinking about the different ways people live through poverty and difficult situations.  When I distill the ways down to the simplest forms, it seems to come down to seeing the world through the eyes of pessimism or optimism.  I'm grateful for the experiences I had when life was difficult and my family had to learn how to get by on very little- it taught me so much about managing adversity and making the most of whatever we had even when it felt like little more than survival.  We learned that enjoying life isn't about the money we have as much as it is about how we approach our own resources and the resources around us.

When I look at the variety of ways we can handle difficulty, it becomes a prime example of HOW we manage our life situations being even more important than WHAT our life situations are...

Poverty Through Eyes of Pessimism...

1. Events: Poverty becomes the reason a person can't go anywhere or do anything, because it will only cost more money.
2. Friends: Poverty becomes the reason not to hang out with anyone, because pessimism assumes it will mean spending more money to keep up with other people.
3. Food: Poverty means buying the cheapest and worst quality food because pessimism can't afford good quality foods.
4. Shopping: Poverty means never going to retail stores or festivals because it will just trigger depression about all the things that can't be purchased.
5. Vacation: Poverty means not taking a vacation because it will take too many resources to make happen.
6. Parties: Poverty becomes the reason never to have other neighborhood kids over, because there aren't enough snacks or extra toys for them.
7. Eating Out: Poverty means not going out to eat because it's too expensive and family members never eat what they pay for anyway.
8. Part-Time Work: Poverty means not even trying to find a part-time minimum wage job because it won't pay enough anyway, and will only take time away from finding a full-time job.
9. Mental Health: Poverty becomes the reason not to take care of the mind, because counseling is too expensive to afford.
10. Physical Health: Poverty becomes the reason not to work on physical health, because gym classes and memberships are too expensive.

Poverty Through Eyes of Optimism...

1. Events: Poverty becomes the reason to explore all of the free and inexpensive ways to enjoy events in the community.
2. Friends: Poverty becomes the reason to find friends who will share rides, split the cost of gas and park entry fees, and caravan together.
3. Food: Poverty becomes the reason to learn how to grow fresh vegetables and fruits, or volunteer for a farmer's market or co-op grocery store.
4. Shopping: Poverty means going to stores and festivals that offer all of the free samples, because why not enjoy what's free while it's free?
5. Vacation: Poverty means vacationing in free or low-cost state parks and free campgrounds where families cook over found sticks and leaves out in nature instead of in a hot kitchen without air conditioning.
6. Parties: Poverty becomes the reason to trade babysitting nights with other families in the same situation, because everyone needs alone time even if they can't afford a babysitter.
7. Eating Out: Poverty means finding all of the kids-eat-free, happy-hour-deals, and two-for-one nights at restaurants so there's room to save on groceries and have a good night out, while taking home all the leftovers to enjoy for lunch or snacks later on.
8. Part-Time Work: Poverty means finding a part-time minimum wage job that has perks like free clothing, free food, free books, free travel perks, or other free benefits that can only be obtained as an employee, while still using the other part-time hours to find a better situation.
9. Mental Health: Poverty becomes the reason to join free church community groups that work through difficult life situations together, and to find free meditation events in the community.
10. Physical Health: Poverty becomes the reason to join free meet-up groups that go hiking together or free community yoga classes to stay in good physical shape together.

Pessimism isolates and dwells in suffering.  Optimism reaches out and finds opportunities to connect with free resources and supportive communities.  It takes a very strong mind and body to seek opportunities when life feels like it is bereft of beauty and abundance.  For people who feel crushed and defeated by a job-loss or income-loss situation, they may only see the pessimistic answers until they learn how to find strength even in the midst of loss.  Learning how to survive and thrive even in the face poverty creates tools and resources needed to succeed and thrive in any situation.  If you find yourself in a difficult spot or in a time of loss, I hope that this post helps you keep your eyes, heart, and mind open to the possibilities and options to find greater support in the people and communities around you.

With all my heart, soul, and lived experiences, please know that you have the power right now to make whatever situation you have even better just by shifting your perspective.

Love, Anne

PS.  Do you have more ways to see the brighter side of life even during difficulty?  Please share in the comments!

Heart of Healing Podcast Interview - Anne Ruthmann / Reiki Energy Healing

I'm so grateful that Tom Fuld has created a lovely show full of healer journeys and information about holistic healing practices.  It is often the unknown that intimidates most people, and by giving a voice and set of stories to relate to, we help reduce the barriers in ways that help people seek greater healing in their lives.

When Tom invited me to share my story on the podcast, I have to admit I wondered if I was ready, since this journey seems to be moving so quickly for me, but just like being invited to give the TEDx Talk, I am so grateful for the opportunity to share what I've learned so far, that I would feel like I was throwing away a lovely opportunity if I passed at the chance.

During the interview for this podcast, Tom asks me to answer the following questions:

1. What is reiki?

2. Who uses reiki?

3. What is it like to practice or experience reiki?

4. How did I come to reiki as a healing practice?

To hear my answers click play in the player below or load a copy to your playlist, the podcast is only 30 minutes long and he does a great job of moving it along quickly and keeping it interesting...

Anne Ruthmann

www.abundantsphere.com

The Mud of Realignment - Gratitude Journal

If you'd rather listen to an audio version, here's 5:28 minutes of me trying not to screw up my own words:


I am deep in the mud of realignment right now.  Most days it feels like pure torture compared to living a life that I already figured out, but I'm so familiar with this part of the change process because of all the other big life challenges that I've gone through already, that I know I just have to live it, feel it, breathe it, and keep walking through it.  This is my own version of the Winter Olympics, full of icy unknowns and potential falls.  Even physical body aches and pains tend to come with realignment, and I just have to keep remembering to put one foot in front of the other no matter what.

At an energetic level, everything inside of me feels torn between two realities.  The old one is the one that I am so familiar with, and it has given me so much comfort, joy, safety, and security.  It's the safe one because I've walked those roads before.  It's easy because I've already overcome the challenges.  Yet, there was a time when that path was once scary too, and I have to keep reminding myself of that.  The new path is only scary because I haven't walked it before.



Then there's my own damn inner critic.  That critic has built a lot of nasty brick walls in my brain around what I can or can't do and what people will or won't value enough to support the work I need to do.  It's frustrating, it's maddening, and I know it's all just part of the process of sorting out my own inner blocks.  The inner critic is the voice of everyone who has never dared to try, or who gave up instead of getting back up, before they actually succeeded.

The worst days are when I look at what other people are doing and go down their rabbit holes of success, trying to reverse engineer what might work for me.  Those are the worst because I'm not focusing on what I want to offer and I'm not doing the work of creating what is unique to me and my experience.  I'm getting shiny-object syndrome and following the glittery path of unicorn poop other people have left behind rather than picking my head up, looking in the mirror, and digging into my experience for what I can uniquely offer from what I've learned and personally overcome.

The best days are when I just dig in and just start creating stuff.  When I put my thoughts and words into writing, into images, into workshops, into pages, into actions- that's where the flow is.  That's where my experience pours freely and fully into something that can be molded into more- into something that can actually help other people have an easier road than I did.  That's when I feel like I'm doing what I need to be doing, rather than getting distracted by what anyone else is doing or how they're doing it.  I have to keep reminding myself to stay in my lane and to stop looking at what other people are doing.

Just today, I caught myself going off on a tangent of trying to determine what should and shouldn't be part of a brand as it starts to take shape.  I know the dangers of getting wrapped up in the psychological mind game of branding, trying to figure out the big picture first, rather than just creating the work that needs to be delivered.  I was falling into the trap I have warned other people not to fall into.  I know the more aligned process is to just take action and create the content part first and then figure out packaging or branding after you can take a look at what you've actually created.  I know this, and I still fell into the trap.  I am human and sometimes my mind forgets what it already knows.

I'm sharing this part of the journey because it's the part no one talks about.  It's messy.  It's uncomfortable.  It's like being an awkward pre-teen who has outgrown clothes that used to fit but isn't quite fully developed enough to hang with the older cooler teenagers.  All those same insecurities about identity.  The familiar discomfort of not knowing who to stand next to in the room.  On the dance floor, swaying a little awkwardly, but not yet fully getting into the music.

Growth beyond anything we've known before, even when it comes late in life, is a little bit like those pre-teen years of just trying to figure ourselves out... and here I am... finding that alignment into the next thing, once again.  I know I'll get there eventually and find my stride.  I just need to spend more days creating what's next in actions and remember not to get too distracted by the glittery unicorn poop everyone else has left in my view.

I'm grateful that at least my life experience has made me very well-versed in the process of change and pushing through discomfort.  I know that on the other side of every challenge is something even better and more aligned than what I've created before.  If you're in the mud of change and finding your alignment, put on your waders and let's keep on walking.

Turning 30 Sucked - Gratitude Journal

Maybe for you it's by the age of 40 or 50... for me it was by the age of 30.
A lovely and very accomplished younger cousin of mine was confessing how much turning 30 sucked for her, and I totally agreed.  It sucked for me too.  I had so many expectations about how my life was supposed to turn out by that time, and so many regrets about why it hadn't turned out that way...

I was supposed to finish at least one of the two Bachelor Degrees I'd started...
- Because 9 years of college education means nothing if you don't have a degree to show
(but I learned I could still earn more than my colleagues who had advanced degrees)
- Because other people considered photography a nice hobby, not a bill-paying profession
(but I made a full time living off of photography in spite of other people who didn't)
- Because you're not a smart person if you don't finish college
(Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Oprah Winfrey, Brad Pitt- so many dumb multimillionaires)

I was supposed to own a house that would be a sensible investment... 
- Because houses only and always go up in value no matter where you live
(but thank goodness we could even sell our house and move before the market tanked)
- Because once you get married you settle down and stay in the same place
(unless the market shifts and suddenly jobs aren't available in your town anymore)
- Because I'd have it paid off by the time I retired
(unless you retire early because market investments can earn better than houses)



I was supposed to have kids by the age of 29...
- Because doctors scared me by saying I may never be able to have a child after that
(but my grandmother had kids after 40 years old and that was two generations ago)
- Because college for kids is expensive and I'd need to pay for it while I was working
(but kids can get scholarships, or they can work for universities and get their tuition for free)
- Because I wanted kids to be living on their own before I would turn 65yrs old
(but I could always go live on a cruise ship and let them fend for themselves the hard way)

I was supposed to have retirement savings and financial predictability... 
- Because compound interest would save me in the long run
(unless the market pulls all of your investments out from under you)
- Because I'd save all of my worldly travels for my later years
(you mean the ones where climbing a mountain becomes a health risk?)
- Because a steady job is more predictable than self-employment
(unless someone decides to fire you or eliminate your department)



The period between our late 20s & early 30s is considered the "Saturn Returns" period.  It's the time when a misaligned life feels like sloughing through the mud.  It's a time when we see where our ego has taken us so far.  It's a time when we take stock in everything we've been working toward that makes us feel successful or accomplished and decide if that version of success is really the one we want.  It's a time when we reconsider what it is that really makes us happy, and if we actually have any of that in our lives.  However, we can experience these same feelings during every major milestone birthday or life event.

All those things I thought I was supposed to do by the time I was 30... they were all illusions and imaginary finish lines placed in my mind by social suggestions which led to my assumptions about what it meant to be a successful healthy adult.  Having all of those "sensible" expectations in my head made me feel bad about what I hadn't accomplished, rather than pretty freaking awesome about what I had accomplished.

I may not have had retirement savings, but it's because I already started traveling the world while I was young and healthy enough to really enjoy those adventures like cave tubing, cliff jumping, and rock climbing.  I may not have had kids, but that also meant I could enjoy life as an adult for a while without lacking serious sleep or worrying about the wellbeing of tiny humans.  I may not have had a house investment, but I also didn't have property taxes on a house I couldn't sell or maintenance on a home that lost its value.  I may not have had either one of the two degrees I started, but I had started my own business instead and gave myself more freedom than either of the two degrees would have given me.

Once I got over all of the things I "didn't" accomplish by the time I was 30, and looked at all the freedoms and accomplishments I'd chosen instead, I started to feel just a little bit better.  I still had some changes I wanted to make and goals I needed to shift in order to have more of what was making me really happy in life, but at least I had gained the wisdom that everything doesn't need to work out in a certain way by a certain time in order to live a good life- and sometimes, what we get instead, is actually way more awesome than what we thought we should have had.

I'm grateful that I got to have these realizations in my 30s because it made the years afterward way more awesome and freeing than life felt in my 20s.  Some people don't come to these realizations until the age of 55 or 67 and have a lot more remorse or resolve to work through around all of it.  It really doesn't matter where we are in life.  What matters is recognizing all of the choices we've made that have brought us joy and happiness along the way, and finding ways to do more of that in the future.

The Competition Illusion - Gratitude Journal

The election cycle added a renewed level of divisiveness, competitiveness, and intolerance into our American culture and ideas of freedom.  It's not like it isn't there all along, we just seem to get extra divisive when it comes to politics as we seek to define governing philosophy for such a diverse country of people and interests.  Our dominant two party political system with one winner takes all electorates, our competitive team against team finals bracket sports culture, and even our survivor reality show mentality all strive to create a culture of winners and losers, and increased competitiveness... but at what cost?

Where are the examples of civility and working together to make everyone stronger?  Examples of how compromise, listening, and negotiating in situations actually create more winners and mutually beneficial situations rather than people having to vote each other off of the imaginary island until we find ourselves alone, doing it all by ourself, and without any friends or family?  Does anyone actually want to be the lonely sole survivor?



This idea of competition is something that we create and cultivate.  Life is actually far more rich, rewarding, balanced, and fun when we can share it peacefully with people who have a variety of views and cultural backgrounds.  If we can listen to one another without claiming that we are right and someone else is wrong, and instead, simply acknowledge that there are many different ways of looking at the world and that it's reasonable to have different perspectives based on different life experiences, we can approach people with different perspective more kindly and fairly rather than trying to determine who is a winner or loser in their ideals.

As a musician, I came to understand that a work of music was far more powerful when everyone was using their individual instrument or voice to their own personal best, while learning how to blend and harmonize it with everyone else around them.  When we were all able to achieve that together, the result was transformational for the audience and for us as musicians because together we created something far more amazing than any one of us would have been able to create alone- and we were all winners in the process.  No one had to be a loser in order for everyone to be a winner.  A collaboration that honors individual and diverse contributions creates a more beautiful gestalt.

One candle can light thousands of other candles, and it doesn't need to be extinguished in order for another candle to be lit.  If we can help light each other's candle, without diminishing our own or anyone else's, we can create a world that is less about competition and more about cooperation. When more people can see themselves as winners through mutual collaboration rather than through creating enemies or losers, we can work toward creating even more peace and abundance for all people rather than just a few.

This abundant sphere was designed to be shared for mutual benefit.  The ocean touches millions of people on thousands of shores without bias or deference for one shore or one people.  Can we find our bodies, made of 75% water to adopt the same level of welcoming as the ocean does at every shore?  The air we breathe is shared by all and we must find ways to continually make it clean and healthy while also working with industries that support our other wants and comforts.  While we think we own the land, it is only cultivated and built upon by people for certain durations of time, but it is mother nature and larger planetary forces which ultimately determine what is kept and destroyed over time, making it even more important to be in touch with how we all share our natural resources with each other and with the world at large.

I am grateful to have traveled the world as a witness to the many ways we can live cooperatively by recognizing ways to balance the many different needs of people and the planet.  I look forward to more of that awareness increasing with the hope that societies and governments around the world can become less focused on competition and more focused on collaboration.

Finding What Frees You - Gratitude Journal

Here's what's real and vulnerable for me, every single year I'm in business for myself as a photographer and independent creative small business... 



There are some amazing photographers out there, some who spend exponentially more time on their images than I do, some who are in higher demand than I am, and some who have all of the right ingredients but still struggle more than I do.

We can argue better or worse with regard to talent all day long, but at the end of the day, the biggest question for me is not one of comparison to other creatives in my field, but most often, can I keep turning this dream of living as an artist into a reality this month, the next month, and through the end of this year? 

Every day I have to ask myself, how much do I want this? Is this really the work I want, the life I want, the way I want to invest more of my time and energy each day?  

There are weeks and sometimes months when I will question myself and my path every single day. It happens most often in the space between when I've finished a large project, but haven't yet secured my next big project. In these moments of project voids, I may spend every minute of free-time exploring other options. The reasons for exploring other options often have less to do with a passion for something else and more to do with the mitigation of anxiety or risk of financial strain.

No one said this life would be easy. In fact, everyone knew how hard it would be, which is why they encouraged me to do something "safer" with more "stability." All I heard was "chain yourself to a desk" and "let someone else decide how you should work."  Even though I have plenty of experience taking risks and moving through the space of unknowns, there's always the lure of something "easier" and "safer."

Then I remember what I have now, working for myself, working as an artist, that I didn't get when I worked full time for someone else.

Freedom.

The feeling of freedom means everything to me.

I will sacrifice so many other things to have freedom in how I work, who I work with, what methods I use in my work, where I work, and how I value the work I do. This is the driving force that lights my fire when I start to feel it sizzling out. It is the fuel that energizes me to get up and get dressed, even when there's no where to go; simply because I am free- even in those moments of anxiousness and insecurity, I am free to choose how I want to make the most of my day, my time, my energy, and my life.

I am free to spend my day prospecting for a new client, or free to be inspired with a visit to an art gallery. I am free to act on fear of failure and explore other career options, or I am free to get lost in the wonder of a spring landscape coming to life. I am free to develop my technique and my craft, or I am free to sulk in despair and self-loathing. I am free to express these feelings through writing, or I am free to let them stew in my mind like a drugged mouse in a maze.

On the good days, I choose to use my freedom for the highest good of my artist development and for the gratitude of all that the universe has gifted me with. On the bad days, I forget how much freedom I have to enjoy life in ways that don't even require expense to my bank account. Luckily, the more years I have as a freelancer, the more I've learned how to turn all of the "free days" into good days.

Freedom is not easy, but it is always worth fighting for. A seed could just as easily remain in the ground, unnoticed and unrealized, but when it does the work and pushes through the creative dirt of freeing itself from everything that holds it back, the end result is the most beautiful expression of life and existence.  

Do you need to work for yourself to have this freedom? Absolutely not.  

For some people, freedom is a high level of specialization that requires being part of a larger system in order to experience freedom at an individual level. For some, freedom is not thinking about ideal clients, not thinking about invoicing, and not needing to worry about where the next paycheck will come from. For some people, freedom comes from not having to be responsible for anyone else.

Find your own sense of freedom. Find what makes you thrive. Find the flow of ease and simplicity in your life. Find what matters most to you- that which provides you with the freedom you seek. It's different for everyone, but you'll know it when you've reached it because it will feel freeing in the ways that reduce your stress and release your anxiety.  

Allow room for your sense of freedom to change over your lifetime, not just once, but many times. It may be freeing to own your own business when you're single, but more freeing to work for someone else when you have children. It may be more freeing to have a company contribute to your retirement account and to have set work constraints that you don't take home with you at night, than to think about how you can grow your business even when you're going to sleep at night. There's no right way to experience freedom- because it's just as varied as we are as individuals- and as varied as each stage of life.

Do not let anyone else tell you that their version of freedom is better than yours. Choose it for yourself. Find what frees you, and make the most of that freedom in every area of your life.

Managing Change - Gratitude Journal

I've talked about managing change A LOT over the last couple years.  Change is difficult, complicated, messy, and stressful- especially when it's a change we feel is "forced" upon us from an outside source, which is why it so often feels easier to stay in familiar patterns.  Even when we're choosing change for ourselves, there are still the mishaps and accidents that come with learning how to do things differently.  It confronts hard-wired habits with deeply grooved expectations for how things are "supposed to go" and asks us to go "off-road" into unknown terrain in the dark.



I decided I needed to gather all of my interviews and posts around managing change into one place so that it would be easier to reference for anyone who's going through something big and is worried about what's on the other side.  Almost all of the fear that comes with change is about the unknowns.  One thing I've discovered is that:

The "fear of change" is actually harder than making real changes.

Fear of change creates static frustration because it traps our forward moving energy that wants change into a backlash of doubt that creates a little tornado which can sometimes do more damage than just making the transition.  Change is usually on our horizon because our energy wants to move in a different direction for growth but when our mind or body resist that forward momentum, we create this internal friction of frustration.  This friction causes stress, illness, and disease (dis-ease) in the body because we are fearful that change might mean a complete abandonment of everything that we've known and come to trust.  In reality, it's just a process of letting go of what no longer serves us, and finding new things that serve us better.  We must be willing to trust that by letting go of one thing, we free a hand to grasp something much better.

Once we've fully accepted the path of change and transition, we can more easily start moving in action with much less resistance or friction.  If we approach changes in our life as opportunities for growth and learning without any attachment to an outcome of success or failure, we find ourselves able to expand in ways that can't be conceived of if we are attached to a singular outcome.  It's also important to approach change as a temporary process and as something that can happen gradually, it doesn't have to be all or nothing right away.

The jobs and problems of tomorrow are not even being taught in the colleges of today.  We can only teach others based on what we as a society have previously experienced, proven, measured, or understood so far, but in order to evolve, we must be willing to move beyond what has already been understood in order to enter deeper into areas that are full of unknowns.  Evolution and innovation requires risk takers, experimenters, and adventurers who are curious and not afraid of these unknowns.

My hope is that through sharing my various experiences of taking risks and having them work out for the better... that you, or someone you know, can more fully step into that place of not knowing what's next and trusting that it's for the best....

Stories of Shift: I choose this:
http://invitingshift.com/2016/02/12/stories-of-shift-i-choose-this/


TEDx Talk: What Would You Attempt If You Knew You Could Not Fail?
http://anneruthmann.blogspot.com/2015/11/behind-scenes-of-my-tedx-talk.html


Starting Over In New Markets:
http://photolovecat.blogspot.com/2012/02/how-to-move-your-business-to-new-market.html

Anne Ruthmann on Fast Track Coaching with Dane Sanders from Dane Sanders on Vimeo.

My evolution as a professional photographer:
http://anneruthmann.blogspot.com.br/2014/06/my-evolution-as-professional.html


Fresh Rag: Business wisdom after 10 years in photography:
http://photolovecat.blogspot.com/2014/07/photo-business-wisdom-after-10-years.html

Tips for Managing Transitions:
http://anneruthmann.blogspot.com/2015/11/transitions-are-tricky-gratitude-journal.html

Letting Go of Expectations:
http://anneruthmann.blogspot.com/2012/07/letting-go-of-expectation-gratitude.html

Not Knowing What You Want To Be When You Grow Up:
http://anneruthmann.blogspot.com/2014/03/not-knowing-what-you-want-to-be-when.html

Deciding To Take A Sabbatical From Business:
http://anneruthmann.blogspot.com/2012/02/why-are-you-in-living-in-australia.html

Ways I've Saved My Business & Life:
http://anneruthmann.blogspot.com/2013/03/10-ways-i-saved-my-business-my-life.html

Ways to Recover from Business Burnout:
http://photolovecat.blogspot.com/2015/08/business-burnout-ways-to-recover.html

Embracing Depression:
http://anneruthmann.blogspot.com/2012/02/gratitude-journal-7-embracing.html

I'm grateful that my experiences have allowed me to share so much in places where it can help others.  Are there any changes you're work through right now?  What's helping you move more easily through those transitions?

Transitions Are Tricky - Gratitude Journal

Transitioning from one job, home, or place to another always involves some level of trickiness.  Whether it's figuring out airport information in a foreign language, re-establishing a new set of friends and support structures in a new neighborhood, or learning the ins and outs of a different working role, there are always a good amount of unknowns that come with transitions of any kind.  These unknowns throw us outside of our comfort zone, put everything we are familiar with into question, and force us to spend a certain amount of time navigating in the dark until we feel like we have enough understanding to operate in some sense of lightness again.



So far, I've been through....
16 Moves in 35 Years
14 Jobs over 20 Years (12 in the first 10 years to find one I loved)
16 Countries navigated in 10 Years

When I look at how many transitions I've gone through, it's amazing how much of my life has been spent simply trying to figure out where I am and what I'm doing.  Just as soon as I think I'm getting a good feel for things, something changes!

Through these changes, I kept wanting a feeling of being settled over and over again- to have a firm grounding and understanding of what it meant to be in one place for a considerable amount of time.  It took me over 30 years of transitions to finally realize it would be more useful to learn how to deal with change and transition, than to keep wishing and hoping things would settle down or remain the same.  Even something as old and sturdy as a mountain changes from year to year.  A couple years ago I officially said goodbye to seeking a feeling of being "settled" in order to better embrace "going with the flow."



I've seen a lot of people go through big transitions over the last year, and I recognize the feelings of difficulty and unease that come with the unknowns around the corner.  These unknowns stir a fight-or-flight stress response that we naturally use to create a sense of control over our environment, but that feeling also creates resistance when it comes to dealing with change productively.  As a basic form of protection, we naturally fear what we do not know.  It raises our blood pressure, heightens our anxiety, and keeps us on high alert.  Once you understand that these feelings are all very natural and expected parts of change, the mind can embrace them and work with them as part of the expected response to the situation, rather than worrying in anxiety about these natural stress responses.

While experiencing transitions, I've discovered things that can become anchors and satisfy that biological need for safety and control.  Even something as small and basic as self-care routines each day can become grounding rituals that help us feel more secure.  Making sure we get enough sleep, even if it means going to bed early or having ear plugs to drown out the sounds of a new environment.   Turning off our phone and computer by a set time to help our mind wind down away from news or events we do not have control over, so we can focus on the safety of our immediate environment instead.  Writing out a mind dump at the end of each day to help us clear our mind and be more organized the next day or meditation/prayer/deep breathing for relaxation.



If you find it easier to control your morning routine, start there instead.  My evenings may be less than predictable, but if I can start the day off right, than I feel more prepared to take on the uncertainties ahead.  Simply making sure that we always have breakfast on hand signals our body that we do not need to spend our time hunting for food all day- it also helps us be prepared even if we're unsure of when or if we'll be able to stop for lunch. We can make it easier by preparing our coffee the night before, or making sure we have the ingredients we need at night we don't try to start our day feeling unfulfilled.  Even when I couldn't count on anything else in my environment to be consistent, if I could just get up and have a cup of coffee or tea and something small to eat- I felt like I could handle whatever unexpected experience I was going to encounter the rest of the day.

By creating small routines that give us comfort and fulfillment at the start and end of each day, we create a grounding that allows us to handle heightened levels of uncertainty elsewhere in our lives and helps us stabilize more easily over quickly sifting sands.  When you can't count on anything in your environment to be the same from one day to the next, you can at least count on your ability to take control of how you start and end your day- and from there, so many more things are possible.

I'm grateful that all of the transitions in my life had led to so much adventure and fulfillment, even if they came with the stress of uncertainties.  I'm also grateful that part of experiencing so many transitions has taught me how to deal with change more gracefully.  Hopefully these experiences can benefit you as well!

{If you appreciated this post, please join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing YOUR OWN GRATITUDE JOURNAL and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

Unhappiness Happens - Gratitude Journal #14

I'm generally an optimistic person, but there are times in my life when I forget what it means to be happy.  As a child, I found happiness in the most random places,  "Mom, check this out- what a cool looking bug!"  As an adult I may be more likely to say, "Ack!  A bug!  Kill it!"  When did that innocent delight in the smallest oddity turn into disgust?

While wisdom brings lessons of being safer and protecting ourselves from danger, we must be careful not to squash our inner child.  

I fully admit to regularly pulling the sarcasm card and being very jaded by things like celebrity, expensive toys, and even the hype that comes with the neighborhood I'm currently living in.  However, if I'm too cynical, and if I forget to appreciate or take delight in the small things, than nothing becomes satisfying anymore, and I become unhappy about everything and anything.  This is why, even if we have everything we want, we can still be incredibly unhappy.  I was there once, and it really sucked to have everything I wanted and still be deeply unsatisfied, because at that point, there's no where else to go but down.

Happiness doesn't exist in the ownership of luxury items, and happiness isn't something that happens after you've obtained a college degree, the next level in your career, the first child in your family, a bigger home, that purse you've been wanting, or a new puppy.  Happiness is a choice and a decision.  It's a feeling that you cultivate or squash with every thought.  Expressing judgement, sarcasm, anger, hate, fear- all of these feelings will squash happiness in an instant.  While expressing gratitude, generosity, empathy, hope, and love will all lead to greater happiness, almost instantly.

Unconditional happiness means not putting off your happiness or expecting it to happen at some other point in time.  Not waiting on someone or something else to happen before you decide you'll finally be happy.

Happiness is a choice to love everything as it is right now.  

Happiness is wanting what you already have.  It's recognizing that you are in control of what you say yes to and what you choose to surround yourself with.  It's an acknowledgment that you are enough, just as you are right now.  It's a realization that this part of your journey, no matter how difficult, is just as rich, meaningful, and full of abundance as any other part of your past or future.

If we refuse to be unhappy, regardless of our circumstance, we become creative about ways we can make our self happy no matter where we are.

I am grateful for the times when I have forgotten how to feel happy, because it helps me know that something is out of balance in how I'm perceiving the world at large.  Once I can recognize that I'm being unhappy, it's my reminder that I'm forgetting to be grateful, generous, empathetic, hopeful, and loving.  Unhappiness is my reminder to nurture my inner child by taking delight in the smallest things and finding ways to have fun right here and now without the need for anything else to change.  When I can recognize that I'm being unhappy, than I can remember what I need to do to get back to that place of unconditional happiness.  Sharing this gratitude journal with you is just one of the things that helps remind me of what happiness is- openness and kindness with myself and the world at large- and if you have a gratitude journal, I'd love to read yours as well!

{If you appreciated this post, please join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing YOUR OWN GRATITUDE JOURNAL and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

Not Knowing What You Want To Be When You Grow Up - Gratitude Journal #13

I felt like the questions about what I wanted to be when I grew up started much earlier than they should have, like 5th grade when my room was still covered in stuffed animals.  I never knew how to answer that daunting question and for the longest time I would just shrug my shoulders and give an "I don't know" look.  In high school the question was being asked much more frequently, so I started testing different answers to see how people would respond.  It became blatantly clear that people didn't take me very seriously when I said I wanted to be a singer or an actress, despite the fact that I was one of the most active students in choirs, bands, and theatre productions- often singing solos, getting lead parts, or making first chair.

To my parents credit, they never discouraged me when I shared dreams of being a performer and they always told me that I can do anything I set my mind to doing.  It was all the other adults that were silently giving me that pat smile that said "oh, that's a nice dream honey, but what will you do for a career?"  Sometimes those words even made it out of their mouths and into my brain.  So, I tested telling people things like "Teacher" or "Lawyer" and found that the responses were always well-received without question or doubt, which slowly defined for me what people considered acceptable career options for me.


(all images in this post are iPhone pics from my instagram feed)

Looking back now, I can see where they were coming from and the fact that they were just viewing the world through their local lens and limitations.  I lived in Michigan at the time, home of automotive manufacturing where very few full-time artists existed in any industry.  Creative pursuits were hobbies or side jobs for people, but not really professions.  In high school I dreamed of going to Julliard, but because I was pretty much living on my own and working a regular job by the time the applications were due, mine never got filled out.  With the doubts of so many "wise adults" rattling around in my head and confusing me on what I should do next, I shoved my dreams aside in favor of something more practical: time at a community college where I could figure things out while I still worked and lived on my own.

I was already working as a supervisor in a bookstore, so I enrolled in a business marketing and management program, enjoyed all the marketing psychology classes, but rolled my eyes at how common sense some of the management material was, and was utterly confused by a professor who decided to teach accounting through the division of pigs and cows into different cuts of meat without providing numbers I could apply to any other business.

I landed great jobs in the communications industry and financial services industry even before I even finished my degree and soon realized that I never wanted to be my boss or my bosses boss- so what was I doing on this marketing and management career path?!  I made great money for a 21 year old and held a position that my colleagues had gone to school and received MBA degrees for- but I knew that if I wasn't happy when everything was going just fine and I was making great money- I wasn't going to be happier in 5 years doing the same thing.

"What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?"

This question had flashed across my computer screen.  I really don't even know how it got there or where it came from, but the question hit me hard, right in the heart.  My first thought was of the Broadway theatre dream I'd left behind, but with a little more perspective on the real world I was living in and distance from all of my creative pursuits in school, I decided I didn't want to live in a tiny NYC apartment (ironic how that one turned out) and spend all of my time worrying about my next audition or how I would pay the bills between gigs, so the next best thing I could think of in Michigan was becoming a music teacher.

It had been four years since I'd performed anything as a singer or as an instrumentalist on flute, and I was worried I might not even have the chops for an audition.  I did two voice lessons to get some feedback on my audition pieces and the private teacher had zero feedback for me saying that I was already heads above her other students, so I just went for it.  I left 4 years of business school and experience behind, and went into a 5 year music education program and started to pursue something that I really loved, but also seemed safe enough that my family wouldn't need to worry about me.  I knew I was working toward a fall-back career, but this time the degree was a necessity for the job which somehow made me feel better about paying for it and investing time in it, but I had no idea what else I was capable of at the time, so music school kept me mentally challenged and engaged in something I loved while I continued to figure it all out.

While I was doing what I loved in my second round of college education, I was still working all sorts of different jobs outside of school, trying out everything that caught my eye.  I became a professional singer and sight-reader for a choir- which was something I'd never considered before and was a doorway that opened from taking the music education journey.  I gave educational tours and helped prepare grants for a historical mansion- also something I'd never considered before.  I worked as a professional model- and I'm still not even sure how or why that one happened, but it did pay well and gave me a small taste of what life was like being an independent contractor.  I helped administer and teach a creative performing arts camp- which was probably the closest thing to teaching music before my actual student teaching assignment turned into a full-time substitute music teacher position.  Have you noticed that no where in these paragraphs have I even mentioned considering PHOTOGRAPHY as a CAREER?!?

That's right.  The career I've had for almost 10 years now as a photographer was no where on my radar at the age of 5, 10, 15, 18, or even 22 when all those people were asking me what I wanted to do for a living.  I taught myself everything about photography by reading, experimenting, and journaling my process while trying to create personal art for my own walls.  I never received formalized education in photography- and even if it had been available, it just never seemed like something that appealed to me, but I had taken many different types of art classes over the course of my life and even did a 3rd grade science fair project on optical illusions of perspective, color, negative space, and line.



The professional photographers I was aware of growing up either faced guns and violence because they were documenting scary stuff for the news, or make me feel really uncomfortable and awkward when they would take my school or church portrait.  The guy who did my modeling portfolio really creeped me out and none of the photographers I met made the job seem any more fun, interesting, or passionate than serving up food in a cafeteria (no offense to cafeteria workers who love feeding people for a living.)  All of those perceptions changed when I met a bunch of different wedding photographers while planning our wedding.  Finally, I met people who were being creative doing what they loved, and for the most part, doing it on their own terms in a variety of different ways!  However, I still had no intentions of actually becoming a photographer- I just thought it was cool that they got to do what they loved and make a career out of it.

Sharing my own photography with others started as a way for me to help my fellow students with their recital posters, audition pictures, and modeling portfolios, along with documenting major tours with our choir and turning the images into slideshows and albums.  I gave my friends photo gifts from images I'd taken at their wedding because it was basically the only thing I could afford at the time, but those images ended up in large wall collage frames or photo albums that went on coffee tables, and eventually that led to photographing my first paid wedding, which quickly turned into many weddings and a full time career as a self-employed photographer and small business owner!  It still baffles me how it all happened so quickly that I didn't even have time to reconsider any of what was going on.



There were no other people in my family that served as a model of self-employment or small business ownership (except perhaps my maternal grandfather, a veterinarian who died before I was old enough to really know him.)  There were no other full-time artists in my family that served as a model for being a freelancer.  I had my background experience in everything BUT what I was now being called to do on a full time basis.  It was sink or swim and all my entrepreneurial experience and learning happened on the job, in real time, in make it or break it situations.  Yes, there were many things I was unprepared for before they happened, but I was always up front and honest about my experiences and remained willing to take a risk and try something outside of my comfort zone to see if it felt right.

I'm grateful for all the things I had to figure out on my own, for all the different jobs that taught me who I didn't want to be, for the failures that helped me realize when I didn't want something bad enough to fight for it, for the successes that taught me what came more naturally to me than others, and for a heart, mind, and soul that refuses to stick with something if I'm not completely in love with it.  I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I've learned that by focusing on what makes me happy to show up and do the work and adapting to new opportunities by being open to change is far more valuable and important than planning ahead and expecting things to go a certain way.

So, if you find yourself at the age of 20, 35, 50, or 65 wondering what you're going to be when you grow up... just focus on what makes you happy or excited today, right now, and don't worry about where it will lead or what the outcome will be.  If you don't feel a defined direction in your life, than your task is to explore and discover more about yourself through following your passions.  Your heart knows when something feels good because it relaxes and opens up, so follow that feeling wherever it leads you and learn to enjoy the journey of self-discovery and service to the world at large.  You may not know what's around the next turn, but if you're doing things that make you happy and enjoying different ways of serving others, than you're exactly where you need to be right now.  Trust that this will all eventually lead to the wisdom you need, but don't allow the pressures of society or other people's expectations stunt your exploration process.

{If you appreciated this post, please share with those you think could benefit as well and join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing YOUR OWN GRATITUDE JOURNAL and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

10 Ways I Saved My Business & My Life - Gratitude Journal #12

There are a lot of people who have never run a business, who like to speculate at how amazing, easy, and freeing it is to run your own business.  While there are definitely some amazing benefits, it's not without a lot of trial and error, setbacks, and determination that we get to that point. There is no "easy" way to success, and I think the book Outliers: The Story of Success was able to really nail how much time it takes before you can really be "successful" at anything (10,000 hours of practice according to Malcolm Gladwell- which is around five years of full time practice, overcoming failures, and striving for improvement.)

I feel like I've finally reached the "ahhh" point in my photography business after 8-9 years, which is well over 10,000 hours.  I'd already reached a mastery point with the craft of photography before I ever started a photography business- so my only real learning curve was finding my stride in my professional photography workflow and my role as small business owner.  I've always focused on making smarter decisions that allowed me to spend more time on what I love- working directly with people and documenting + sharing beauty and love.



I feel like I could have reached this point much sooner had I lived in one place and stayed in the same market for five years. However, I think the experience of multiple moves and living in different regions, big cities and small towns, homogeneous and diverse communities, inflated and depressed economies, has given me a very unique set of experiences and perspectives on what it takes to start and run a successful business as a freelance artist in a variety of situations. The first two years are definitely the hardest and where most artists decide whether they are determined enough to deal with everything that comes with running a business- after that, it's about figuring out the best ways to make it all work without sacrificing quality of life and passion for our craft.  Moving & restarting my business three times means I've had six years of experience with those first two years of getting up and running in a new market, and if you couple that with 16 years of never living in the same place for more than 2 years, you could say I'm an expert on moving and starting over in a new place.

The next 10 tips are things I've learned so far that have brought me to a place in my business where I'm comfortable, happy, and living a balanced life.  By sharing them, I hope that new business owners can avoid some of the pitfalls and mistakes I had to learn the hard way.

1. Health first, Family second, Friends third, then Business.  You cannot have a successful creative business or the capacity to solve difficult problems if you don't have a basic level of happiness that comes with putting these priorities in order.  Sleep well and eat healthy.  Sleep and food are your main sources of energy.  If you aren't sleeping well or eating a healthy diet, your batteries are never fully charged, making it difficult to deal with challenges while trying to be a decent and respectable human being.  Making sure you can say yes to spending time with family and friends also forces you to optimize productivity during your work time and streamline things that drag you down.  When you have to say no to family and friends, you feel like an inhuman jerk for putting work before the important people in your life, and you begin to resent your work for taking time away from people you love, when the problem is easily solvable by putting your priorities in line.  Work will always be there.  Family and friends may not be.  Trust me on this- it makes all the difference between being able to keep on going and wanting to give everything up.  Been there, done that, recovered and got my groove back.

2. Get dressed and ready in the morning like the rest of the world.  To someone who works from home, at first, being in your PJs all day seems like a luxury, the problem arises when you never feel like leaving home because you're in your PJs and haven't showered.  Even if you've been highly productive from the moment you woke up, physically you'll still feel like a bum in need of a shower.  When you get ready each day as if you have an appointment to attend to, there's nothing to stop you from answering the door, running a last minute errand, taking time for coffee with a friend, having a video chat with a potential client, or participating in spontaneous networking events.  The luckiest people are simply ready for opportunity to knock at any minute and are willing to answer the door regardless of what's on the other side.

3. Make friends with everyone you meet, you never know who they know.  Perhaps you've heard the phrase, "your network is your net worth"?  The more people you take time to get to know and stay in touch with, the more business will naturally flow your way.  Make it a part of your schedule to go out and meet new people and to find groups of people you enjoy spending time with.  Even if you aren't doing it in person, find ways to do it online by participating in local discussion groups or starting conversation with influential people over twitter or through blog comments.

4. Automate and Outsource.  Technology has advanced to a point where there's little need to handle insignificant repetitive tasks, and if it can't be automated, you can outsource it.  If you can train someone else to do it the way you want it done, than it's a good sign that you shouldn't be doing it, and that your efforts could be more fully directed into something that you can't train anyone else to do.  For me, this meant hiring an accountant, working with a lab that fulfills orders and does packaging and album drafts, working with a designer for my blog and website, contracting office assistants and retouchers on an as-needed basis, and countless other things so I can focus on what I do best.

5.  Learn When to Say No.  Turning down opportunities or incoming business is probably one of the THE hardest things for an entrepreneur.  Unfortunately, part of living a joyful and balanced life is being able to recognize which people, jobs, or opportunities may actually be a liability to your business and a drain on your life.  You'll have to experience a few bad jobs and clients before you know the warning signs, but the sooner you can recognize what these are, the sooner you can learn to say no so that you can spend more energy focusing on the jobs and opportunities that fuel you to keep doing what you love.

6. Take time off each week and book vacations well in advance.  While it's tempting as an entrepreneur to work through your weekends or put off your vacation for another year, it is in down-time that you will develop some of your most creative ideas, solve some of your biggest problems, and regain your perspective on the larger picture.  Time off is just as important to your mental health and success as your working time.  If you schedule your time off to include things that force you to be away from your computer (movies, spa treatments, cruises, hikes, dinner with friends), you'll be less tempted to sit down and begin working on something when you're trying to "relax."

7. If you screw up, always take responsibility and find a way to make it right.  One of the hardest things about being a business owner is fearing that our business will be trashed online, and sometimes that leads to dropping our business boundaries and working 24/7, which leads to burnout and then screwing up all over the place.  Angry clients can be calmed down and eventually negotiated with, but bad reviews are usually a result of avoiding problems or poor communication, and those can live online forever.  I've made plenty of mistakes, and the biggest difference between the result being positive or negative has all been in how I handled the errors and made them right.

8. Difficult problems are better solved in person or over video chat.  Attempting to resolve problems and miscommunication over email often leads to more problems and misunderstandings.  So many creative people get too used to working over email that they forget how powerful the human voice and facial expressions are for creating understanding in communication- not to mention it allows a simultaneous conversation, which can significantly speed up project completion and profitability.

9. Know your Exit Strategy.  Can your business exist without you?  Can you live without your business?  What if you're temporarily disabled even after you've committed to year-long projects- what is your backup plan?  What happens to your outstanding contracts and clients if you're in a coma? If you know your exit strategy for your business, than you'll know how to structure it in a way that will support your post-work goals in life.

10. Never Stop Learning & Experimenting.  The moment you think you know it all is the moment you've become extinct and irrelevant.  There is always something new to learn and the very process of learning something new helps to boost creativity and problem solving skills.  Staying in touch with what's new will keep you relevant and in the flow that brings abundance to your door.

I'm grateful that I've come to a point where I can share these thoughts with you.  I'm grateful that I've gone through the challenges of figuring out what does and doesn't work for me, and that I've seen how it's possible to overcome obstacles, to recover from failures, and to find ways to create more happiness in work and life.  My wish is that by sharing these, you will also have the strength and courage to find ways to create more happiness in your own life- whether you work for yourself or for someone else.  If you ever want my help in figuring out how to make your situation better, sign up for a free workshop with me.  I love helping others create a more fulfilling life.

Happy Spring Equinox to all the Northern Hemisphere folks!  Happy Autumn Equinox for those in the Southern Hemisphere! ;-)

{If you appreciated this post, please join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing your own gratitude journal and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

Not Holding Back - Gratitude Journal #11

The woman sitting next to me in the pew had so much joy in her heart that laughter easily bubbled up out of her body whenever a phrase fancied her.  When deep words were spoken, she gave an audible amen.  When the singing got going, she was swaying like a summer wind.  I wanted to be her- not really to express as she was expressing- but to FEEL as she was feeling.  Somewhere in my attempt to become so calm and peaceful, my emotions leveled out.  I no longer feel intense anxiety or pain but I also don't seem to feel intense joy or pleasure much either.  I thought having this much control over the emotional self was such a great thing, until I remembered how beautiful it was to be in the presence of someone expressing so much joy.  She made me smile and I felt the freedom of her joy.



Then it hit me- a flood of tears.  I could barely keep from holding it together.  A big part of me wanted to slip out the back door, but I stayed.  I stayed and cried while everyone around me finished singing.  I didn't know if I was crying out of sadness, out of happiness, or for some completely unknown reason- I just let it all out and didn't hold back.  I was definitely FEELING an emotional intensity of some kind- even if I didn't understand what it was or why I was feeling it.  I just let the feeling move through me and come out as it needed to- no suppression.

As a photographer who specializes in capturing emotional moments, I really rely on people not holding back their feelings.  I need them to feel deeply and to express those feelings it in a way that I can capture and preserve.  The woman in the pew next to me reminded me of how important it is, when we feel something deeply, to allow our bodies to express that emotion.  Especially when it's joy and happiness, but also when it's hurt or sadness.  We need not judge ourselves for the way we feel- we can simply feel and let that feeling move through us.

{If you appreciated this post, please join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing your own gratitude journal and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

Letting Go of Expectation - Gratitude Journal #10

I expected that I'd have a child by the time I was 30.  That didn't happen.  I expected I'd live within easy driving distance to my family most of my life.  That stopped happening in 2008.  I expected I'd have a staff and associates after 5 years of being in business.  Instead I've had to keep my business lean and small to restart my business in multiple cities to support my husband's career moves.  I expected I'd have a big house with a dog and plenty of room to entertain.  That happened for a few years and then it unhappened when we moved away to a city of mills and lofts.  I expected my skin would be smoother and less sensitive after my 20s.  That will probably never actually happen.



What HAS happened, is that I've learned to let go of my expectations about what life should be and learned to make the most of life as it actually is, rather than waiting for things to change or expecting it to fit into a fairytale version of life.  The result has been a freedom to appreciate each moment for what it is, rather than expecting it to be more like I imagined it should be in the first place.  Having a big imagination full of ideals and expectations is great for creating art, making movies, and writing fiction, but it can be a liability when it comes to appreciating the imperfections of reality.  I've learned that real happiness comes from a practice of being grateful for everything as it is right now, rather than expecting happiness to come when things are different.

Reality: I may never have kids.
Rather than waiting for kids to happen, or trying to make them happen, I'm just focusing on the joys that come with not having kids right now.  The freedom to travel without much burden or additional expense, going to concerts and movies on weeknights, sleeping soundly at night not worrying about what might happen, and getting together with friends without needing to find a babysitter.  If I had kids, I'd be grateful for new experiences that children bring to our lives.



Reality: I may never live within driving distance of my family again.
What we trade off in missed opportunities to be around for family more often, we gain in opportunities to live a better life for both my husband and I.  We also gain a culturally rich and supportive community that aligns more closely with our larger values in life, along with access to resources that can be difficult to come by where our families live.  When we visit for the holidays, we're able to spend dedicated and extended time with our family without the hassles of regular working life to get in the way.  If I lived near family, I'd be grateful for having someone nearby that I could trust to help me out when I need them most.

Reality: I may never have a staff and associates for my business.
I've realized that not having a staff has made me more flexible in business and given me more freedom to take risks and make quick and dramatic changes as I see fit for my own happiness and success.  It has allowed me to weather economic storm more easily and created opportunities for more collaboration, leadership, and engagement with others rather than trying to control it all.  If I had a staff, I'd appreciate having their support and help with certain projects.

Reality: I may never have a big house with a dog.
When I had a big house with a dog, I had a big yard that needed mowing and a lot of floors that needed cleaning, and lots of home maintenance that needed fixing.  I'm appreciating not having all of that maintenance right now and having the freedom to not worry about being home every night to take the dog out before an accident happens, or leaving the dog out in the yard because a job went too late.  If I had a big house and dog again, I'd be grateful for the opportunity to entertain and have more guests over, and for having a regular walking companion that made me get home at a decent hour.

Reality: I may never have perfect skin.
I've already spent too many years trying to look different than I do, rather than just being happy in the skin I have.  I've noticed that the most attractive people are those who are comfortable expressing their joy and who share their smile easily with others.  I don't need perfect skin to give someone a smile or to be joyful.  I don't need to be skinnier, shorter, taller, or have straighter teeth to exude happiness wherever I go.  If I had great skin, there would probably be something else I needed to get over in order to be comfortable and happy with myself- which is why I'm learning to be happy as I am and grateful that there is beauty in imperfection.



I've seen too many people complain about what they don't have rather than appreciate all that they have- and even if our lives are exactly the same- the difference between their unhappiness and my happiness is that I'm choosing to live without expectations that things should be different.  I simply have gratitude for the way things are.  This doesn't mean I don't have goals or hopes for the future to keep me motivated and moving forward, or that I don't work toward making things better, it just means that my happiness isn't contingent on everything working out the way I'd like it to.  It means I'm not resentful or jealous of anyone else and I have no regrets about my past- instead, I'm simply grateful for all that life has taught me about letting go of expectations and learning to appreciate right now.

{If you appreciated this post, please share with those you think could benefit as well and join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing your own gratitude journal and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

(Images are from the Fairytales and Fantasies production by Miracle Providers Northeast)

Get Away From It All Right Now - Gratitude Journal #9

One of the nice things about travel is "getting away from everything" that weighs us down when we're at home. When we "get away from it all" for a week, we might even feel comfortable leaving our computer behind and if we're on a cruise ship without cell signal or wifi, we might even turn off our phone and completely disconnect from everything EXCEPT that which is right in front of us at that very moment.


(all images on this post are from anneruthmann instagram feed)

There's a lot of power in simply connecting with only our immediate surroundings- especially when what's in front of us creates a positive exchange of energy, rather than draining our energy (like computers do). It's when real people smile back at us, real conversations make us literally laugh out loud rather than just in our head, real smells ignite our senses from a freshly prepared plate of food, or the real wind brushes against our face during an outdoor walk or bike ride. We can actually have these sensations every single day, but we often choose false sensations that we get from riding in the car with the air conditioning, watching food shows on TV while eating something zapped in a microwave, texting conversations with our phones and using smilies instead of speech inflections, and falling in love with movie stars on our computers instead of the person sitting next to us who has always been there for us. All the more reason why we have to make opportunities for these real sensations to happen more frequently in real life- so we remember what it REALLY feels like- not just what our brain remembers it feeling like.



We tend to think that we need to escape to a completely different world or place to really "get away from it all"- but the truth is that we can step back even in the midst of everyday life and create our own mini-vacations from whatever is weighing us down in that moment. We have a power button to turn off our phones for an hour or for sound sleep until we feel like waking up, rather than when some email or social media alert wakes us up. We have the physical power to step away from our computer and take a walk in our surroundings to see what is new or has changed around us while we were too busy to notice. We have the power to take a lunch break outside at work instead of eating inside the same building full of the same sensations we've been working in all day, and to invite friends to reconnect and laugh with to make it even more "sensational." We can "get away from it all" whenever we need to, and then return to it all feeling more refreshed, balanced, and happier because we took a moment to restore our connection to reality and the world around us and to realize that whatever is happening right now is only momentary, and eventually it will change - just as the leaves fall from trees, flowers bloom from dirt, and footprints get washed away with the tides.



I am so grateful for the gift of life and choice, and for this moment, right now, that we get to connect with these words and thoughts. You may even be seeing this at a completely different time from when I've written it, but it's because you weren't meant to see it until right now. This moment is yours. Yesterday is gone (stop obsessing over it) and tomorrow will be different (so don't worry about it). This moment, RIGHT NOW, is yours to create- take it and make the most of it.




{If you appreciated this post, please join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing your own gratitude journal and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

Integrity Challenges - Gratitude Journal #8

I think we've all found ourselves in a situation at one point or another when our integrity was tested. Most often we encounter this challenge when our actions aren't perceived to match up with our words, or when someone says we aren't "practicing what we preach." Sometimes it's as simple as missing a deadline, or failing to deliver on a promise we've made to someone in writing or even by suggestion. This constant #FAIL at life and business happened in royal-flush-spades for me during post-production for the wedding above. It was the biggest wedding I'd ever done and I thought I'd over-prepared for everything I was going to encounter, and yet still there was more I never could have foreseen. I was tested to the point of tears, breakdown, and pure exhaustion.

I'm grateful for these lessons that have challenged me to deal with difficult situations better, especially when much of a situation is spiraling out of my control when I feel like I should have it all under control. I am sincerely grateful for the tears I ended up shedding on the phone with this client when I was faced with the fact that I had made promises I wasn't keeping. I spent a lot of money and time making it right, but they had also invested a lot of money and time in me and my talent. I take their trust in me very seriously, especially because that trust is derived from the promises I make. When I screw up- I admit it and I fix it.

As nice as it is for people to be polite about their feelings and not wanting to upset anyone, please, call me out when I'm acting like a hypocrite or I've made a promise I haven't kept. Do it with love for who you know I aspire to be even if I haven't figured out how to be that amazing just yet. I am human. I make mistakes. I am not perfect and I know it. Integrity is a big deal to me, and when I'm not being true to my word, I want to be called on it. It might lead to frustration and anger if I'm not prepared to face the hard truth, but it's because I am frustrated with myself for not realizing that I was doing something against the value system that I believe so strongly in.

Likewise, when you tell me I've been acting against my values when I feel strongly that I'm in line with my values, you give me an opportunity to share my reasoning or understanding of those values. Perhaps we understand certain words or values differently from one another and what is perceived as hypocrisy to you, is really just a different interpretation of the same word, or a different interpretation of how that word plays out in actions. If you talk to me about it, we can both reach a new understanding together. We may even end up agreeing to disagree, but at least we will understand where each person is coming from and how our actions may be perceived by others we encounter on a regular basis.

Try to understand me before you judge me. Ask me to explain and clarify before you assume. It takes more time, but the results are far more peaceful and less harmful. We cannot control how others perceive us, but we can have patience and understanding that perhaps their world view is so different from our own that they don't even know when what they've done has had such a negative impact on us. When we hold onto hate, we hold onto burden and baggage that we don't need to carry. It does not weight the other person down, it only weighs us down, which means it's our responsibility to address it and understand it better from a different perspective. Once we reach a point of understanding, we can have greater peace of mind and flexibility in sharing more easily with those who do not have our same values or perspectives on the world. When you seek to understand others, you are seeking a sense of peace for yourself.

While being inspired to write this post, I ran into this cute comic, which describes a lot of why people tend to misunderstand and get angry with people they don't agree with...

[Get more Girlie Pains]

I also ran into this, which explains my approach to gratitude...
More on the Use and Misuse of Gratitude from Deepak Chopra

{If you appreciated this post, please join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing your own gratitude journal and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}