Ask Anne: May 2020

Every Memorial Day for the last few decades, Hartland, MI would recognize military who died in service and the coming of spring with a Memorial Day parade. This year, with pandemic guidelines limiting public events and large gatherings, the street was empty with a solitary large flag suspended above.

View this post on Instagram

Yesterday was the Memorial Day with no parade. No sidewalks crowded with people waiting in lawn chairs. No school marching bands or gymnastic teams lining up and practicing their pieces. No old fashioned convertibles decorated for the occasion. No horses or 4H club farm animals inside tractor trailers. Just a big flag hanging over the empty road from a fire truck. Flags attached to poles in time to honor the Memorial Day but not enough time to remove or change the winter themed signage left behind before offices were closed. A few people gathered locally outdoors at an unannounced cemetery memorial service, not really social distancing or wearing masks, but if they were willing to die for the country in military service before, I guess it’s not much any different now. It’s all just so surreal sometimes, and it’s easy to forget how surreal it is when I rarely leave the bubble of our little neighborhood and home where all the take out restaurants are all still open, and grocery stores are open with added conveniences, and some small businesses are still plugging away while waiting on delayed packages that aren’t getting delivered by the USPS mail trucks that can’t seem to keep up. At least we no longer worry much about finding toilet paper, and no one has complained recently about not finding cleaning products, and the mask-making is starting to level out and be more sustainable rather than a mad dash to make all the things for all the people. I feel an obligation to document these moments and to remember. To remember the big things as well as the little things. It’s just all so surreal, and it’s feeling more and more like life will forever be different in many ways.

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 26, 2020 at 10:50am PDT

What moments of connection and happiness that we've been able to muster this week have come from regular video calls with friends and family members online.

View this post on Instagram

One of the blessings for my mom during this time has been an almost daily check-in with her granddaughter and daughter-in-law. In this scene- Emily helps Violet try on a mask, grandma shows how excited she is to see it, and I just laugh at how quickly Violet is going to pull that fabric off her face. Even though we were supposed to be traveling together and enjoying all sorts of fun things in Shanghai right now, we are still together in Michigan, albeit with very different experiences brought on by pandemic. We grieve our travel plans, but delight in connecting more often with friends and family, even if it’s only over the phone or video chat. We grieve the tasty restaurant meals and environments that just aren’t the same when done take-out style, but we find delight in growing more herbs and creating more gardens. We grieve the hugs we haven’t been giving or receiving, but do our best to indulge in some self-care instead. We grieve for the people we’ve lost on this Memorial Day, while still trying to hold close all the people we so desperately want to see again once we all get to the other side of this experience. It’s always weird for me to say Happy Memorial Day... but I hope that what you remember on Memorial Day are all the people and moments that have made you happy, because those are what we really need to memorialize. ❤️

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 25, 2020 at 5:33am PDT

My mom decided the weather was nice enough to warrant the need for a new grill and some BBQ time outside.

View this post on Instagram

Ode to the lady behind the grill. The master of her own charred meats. When the weather started to turn nice, we learned that the older portable grill (now serving as a stand for the new grill) stopped working in a way that might cost as much to fix as it would be to buy new. The older grill was intended for tailgating and easy movement for transporting from the back porch to the garage for winter storage, but wasn’t really going to be practical for the future Campervan or RV life of adventures around the country that @marlowcc has in mind for her future. This woman loves well-done meats with deep char marks on them, and so far this little cuisinart camping grill has delivered in spades. We may have lost a few peppers along the way that were sliced too thin and slipped through the heartier grill plate holes, but we’ll remember to slice them larger the next time. Another fun and odd coincidence around cooking meat that happened recently was acquiring a meat thermometer by accident! The electric body thermometer died, and wasn’t designed to easily replace the battery, so we ordered a new thermometer online for a pick-up order. Somehow it ended up being a meat thermometer, AND we weren’t charged for it. Being very honest, CC called and let the store know she’s happy to keep the meat thermometer instead of the one she thought she was ordering, but the store may want to charge her for it. The store came back with apologies and just told her to keep it at no charge?! 🤯 So now she’s all set for making sure her meats are at the right temperature. I will confess that I did try it out as a body 🤒 thermometer too... and while it was very accurate... I could feel the electrical contact from the metal on my tongue and that was not as pleasant as a regular body thermometer covered in glass or plastic. 😆

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on Jun 1, 2020 at 5:28am PDT

I've also discovered my mom has a hidden talent for making mini-bud-vase arrangements from wildflowers and cultivated flowers in her garden....

View this post on Instagram

How are you handling the grief? It’s not easy, but some grief responses make it easier and some make it harder. Some people don’t even realize their overwhelm, anger, anxiety, or frustration are part of how they grieve lost travel plans, lost time with friends or family, lost distractions and outings, lost sense of security, and managing a wide variety of unknowns. Some days the grief hits me like waves of tears triggered by memories of things I loved, some days it hits me like total exhaustion and feeling defeated or unmotivated. When it comes on like anxiety, at least it gives me the energy to walk or exercise or do physical tasks and chores that require additional energy output. I had one day of anger and it was a great time to cut all the vegetables with sharp objects and pound some bread into dough. When it comes on like layers of depression or sadness, I become thoughtful, remind myself not to dwell too long in the places of difficulty, and find some small amount of remaining beauty to be inspired by like this little bud vase arranged with backyard flowers. What’s been working to help you manage the grief aspects in ways that are healthy and don’t take it out on others around you?

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 27, 2020 at 6:14am PDT

My empathic / clairsentient sensitivities have gotten the best of me several times this week and led to me needing to take even more time to myself, isolating even from people I love just to deal with all the intensity of the feels I've been having of my own while trying not to be taken down by the feels of others around me or in connection to me. Quarantine has been hard on all of us, but some of us are more adept at dealing with our anger or frustrations without taking it out on others. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I recognize my need to pull back and disconnect in order to avoid further overwhelm as well as further entanglement with difficult things other people are experiencing. I always know I'll be fine once I clear the feelings out - but to clear them out rather than continuing to pass them on - I need all the alone time I can get.

View this post on Instagram

As a physical empath and clairsentient- I feel the anger of others as a physical experience, even if it’s delivered by text. First is the jolt of electricity, like an electrical shock that ripples through my nervous system like lightening and thunder across a sky. Shortly following the initial shock is often a racing heart or raised blood pressure depending on the intensity of the anger being projected outward. Once my mind becomes aware that my body has absorbed this disruptive energetic interference, I start focusing on deep breathing to regain control over my heart rate and nervous system, to bring my energy back into my own control. This is what makes it hard for me to be around people who are careless with their anger and frustration. If people haven’t learned how to manage it without dumping it on others, than conversations with these “super-venters” are like walking into fields full of land mines and hidden explosive triggers. They may just want to vent or dump their anger, because it feels good to them, but that venting can leave me feeling energetically drained and in need of hours to recuperate. Right now the world is dumping a lot of its anger online, rather than turning toward compassion or self-healing grief. Angry people are just mindlessly passing invisible kettle bells of hurt from one person to another, and some days I just have to disconnect from it all in order to keep my own energetic system healthy. For some reason, whenever that wave of anger reaches my body, I also find the carnelian stone to be deeply calming when placed on the body. I discovered this soothing effect physically before I learned a bit more about how carnelians have historically been used as amulets for battle. Maybe one day science will be able to explain all of these things that are already so palpable to a highly sensitive empath.

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 28, 2020 at 2:08pm PDT

I continue to attempt to get that alone time outside in nature as much as possible, so that I'm staying connected to an energy source of peace and balance that is much larger than myself or anyone else around me. This has been incredibly helpful at this time, and I'm so grateful that I'm quarantined in a place with a beautiful back yard, plenty of green trees, and a clear sky to soak in as often as possible.

View this post on Instagram

Enjoying the sun and cool breeze to make the most of nature’s fleeting condition. This has probably been the hardest week for me at an energetic level. Maybe it’s the combination of everything on the outside and inside crashing together at once, but it’s been heavy, and demanded a lot of energy to keep moving forward in spite of the oncoming of obstacles. I’m a resilient human, but this week definitely challenged that resilience as I needed to change plans and cancel plans in order to better protect my energy to stay focused on what’s most important in each moment for my wellbeing. My heart resonates for everyone who’s struggling right now- there are so many reasons we can each be struggling at once. What I’m sure of more than anything, is that the goal is to get to the other side of a global pandemic alive and healthy. Everything else is just a temporary condition or problem to be sorted out- and they will all eventually be sorted out. However, we can only get the opportunities to craft a better future if we take care of ourselves and the people we most want to spend our future with. ❤️

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 29, 2020 at 1:25pm PDT

Somehow, in the midst of this crazy pandemic, we were also able to successfully launch a Spaceship into space. Meanwhile, there are people still struggling to get unemployment checks and PPP loans to keep their businesses and employees afloat. Such surreal and strange times we are living in.

View this post on Instagram

It’s so surreal to me that with everything we’re experiencing right now, we can still launch people into space and send them to the International Space Station.

A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on May 30, 2020 at 12:42pm PDT