What's Next 2013?

Normally, after a recap from last year, I write about my goals for the year ahead.  But how do you follow a year of traveling around the world?!  Honestly, I have no idea- it's like trying to upstage Elizabeth Taylor.  I wasn't trying to dream of something else because I was so busy enjoying every minute of what felt like a dream turned reality.   

There's no time to get wrapped up in what's next when you're so fully present to what's happening right now.

(Instagram photo taken while driving through Syracuse, NY)

Perhaps THAT is the adventure of 2013.  NOT planning ahead.  NOT trying to anticipate everything.  NOT filling life with goals that need to be accomplished or "readjusted" when real life gets in the way.  It's quite zen- to simply move through life like water moves through a stream.  Always moving forward, never backward; easily around twists, turns, and obstacles, and simply continuing on without worry for what's next or regret for the past.

Life is fluid.  We are never stuck because we can always change ourselves.

 (Instagram photo taken while flying over Greenland)

I've accomplished a lot in the last few years and followed my dreams to a point where I'm running out of things to dream about!  So this year, I have no resolutions or goals to share with you.  I'm simply going to live as mindfully as possible in each and every moment I get.  If I lose even more weight because I'm more mindful of what I eat, great, and if not, I can still be happy in knowing that I was simply listening to what felt healthy and good for my body.  If I gain more clients or take on new work because I was fully present to the requests and opportunities around me, great, if not, I will know that it was because I was fully present to something or someone else who needed my attention more. I sense that there is change on the horizon, but rather than trying to anticipate it, plan for it, or control it, I'm simply going to focus on enjoying each day as it unfolds. Finding peace and joy in what already is. I hope you will too.

Transformations of 2012

I love looking at my previous end-of-the-year blogs to see how my life and business have changed each year.  If you're curious, take a look back at my 2010 and 2011, to see what happened in my life to get me to where I am now.

For me, 2012 was a year of adventure, but also a year of personal transformations.  

Here's a short list of what this year was like for me:

1. Traveled around the world visiting 10 different countries: Iceland, Norway, Ireland, Netherlands, Belgium, England, Spain, Germany, Greece, and Australia
2. Lived and worked overseas for 8 months with only a carry-on suitcase and backpack
3. Learned new meditation techniques at an Amma Retreat and how to center myself in nature using a Shamanic Walk
4. Hosted three free online webinars with PhotoLovecat.com
5. Coached eight new and established photographers
6. Gained another new on-call corporate client with regular contract work
7. Freed up more weekends by doing more immediate turn-around work during weekdays
8. Lost 45 lbs.
9. Cooked more meals at home
10. Walked and used public transportation more than any year before

My biggest transformation came from the practice of living simply and learning how to calm my inner anxieties.

Living out of a carry-on suitcase and backpack for 8 months was a huge practice in simplicity.  I couldn't really acquire anything more than digital photos and very small mementos because there was no room to carry anything more.  In this practice of living simply, I lost my desire to acquire anything new unless I really needed it, or needed to replace something which could no longer be used.  It was a constant reminder of the physical burdens and impermanence of material things.



As for the inner anxieties- I had never considered myself an anxious person, but last year brought on anxieties I hadn't realized I had.  I've always felt a great deal of control over my life, my outcomes, my future goals, etc.  However, traveling for 8 months and knowing very little about where I'll live the next day, how I'll get there, what I'll need, and what I'll do with my time made me face a lot of anxieties head on.  With so many unknowns facing me, I really had to learn how to let go of any expectations I might have, let go of trying to control it all, be comfortable not having all the answers I wanted or needed, and trust that my husband and I would find a way to make it work together.  In some ways it was like a constant trust fall exercise.  There is always more comfort in knowing what to expect and knowing that you'll have certain resources to rely on, so learning to be calm and comfortable with not knowing and not having things is a whole different level of internal calm and trust in the universe.  Learning how to meditate to calm my mind helped a LOT.  Having a warm patch of soft grass to lay in occasionally was also helpful.



After traveling the world, it's not the amazing scenery, different foods, or interesting cultural differences I remember the most- it's that we share so much in common with one another.  We have common fears and common anxieties, even when we live in countries with vastly different governments and rules.  We all want to feel safe, loved, and peaceful with one another.  The easiest way to achieve this, is to begin within our own hearts.  To find safety in our ability to survive in the face of insecurity, to feel loved and cared for by looking after our own body and soul, and to have a peaceful mind and heart that embraces whatever comes with grace and gratitude.

Carry on...



If you'd like to see all of the random and weird personal Instagram photos I snapped during my travels, head to my Flickr gallery, where you can start at the Blue Lagoon in Iceland and travel backwards through my adventures.

Letting Go of Expectation - Gratitude Journal #10

I expected that I'd have a child by the time I was 30.  That didn't happen.  I expected I'd live within easy driving distance to my family most of my life.  That stopped happening in 2008.  I expected I'd have a staff and associates after 5 years of being in business.  Instead I've had to keep my business lean and small to restart my business in multiple cities to support my husband's career moves.  I expected I'd have a big house with a dog and plenty of room to entertain.  That happened for a few years and then it unhappened when we moved away to a city of mills and lofts.  I expected my skin would be smoother and less sensitive after my 20s.  That will probably never actually happen.



What HAS happened, is that I've learned to let go of my expectations about what life should be and learned to make the most of life as it actually is, rather than waiting for things to change or expecting it to fit into a fairytale version of life.  The result has been a freedom to appreciate each moment for what it is, rather than expecting it to be more like I imagined it should be in the first place.  Having a big imagination full of ideals and expectations is great for creating art, making movies, and writing fiction, but it can be a liability when it comes to appreciating the imperfections of reality.  I've learned that real happiness comes from a practice of being grateful for everything as it is right now, rather than expecting happiness to come when things are different.

Reality: I may never have kids.
Rather than waiting for kids to happen, or trying to make them happen, I'm just focusing on the joys that come with not having kids right now.  The freedom to travel without much burden or additional expense, going to concerts and movies on weeknights, sleeping soundly at night not worrying about what might happen, and getting together with friends without needing to find a babysitter.  If I had kids, I'd be grateful for new experiences that children bring to our lives.



Reality: I may never live within driving distance of my family again.
What we trade off in missed opportunities to be around for family more often, we gain in opportunities to live a better life for both my husband and I.  We also gain a culturally rich and supportive community that aligns more closely with our larger values in life, along with access to resources that can be difficult to come by where our families live.  When we visit for the holidays, we're able to spend dedicated and extended time with our family without the hassles of regular working life to get in the way.  If I lived near family, I'd be grateful for having someone nearby that I could trust to help me out when I need them most.

Reality: I may never have a staff and associates for my business.
I've realized that not having a staff has made me more flexible in business and given me more freedom to take risks and make quick and dramatic changes as I see fit for my own happiness and success.  It has allowed me to weather economic storm more easily and created opportunities for more collaboration, leadership, and engagement with others rather than trying to control it all.  If I had a staff, I'd appreciate having their support and help with certain projects.

Reality: I may never have a big house with a dog.
When I had a big house with a dog, I had a big yard that needed mowing and a lot of floors that needed cleaning, and lots of home maintenance that needed fixing.  I'm appreciating not having all of that maintenance right now and having the freedom to not worry about being home every night to take the dog out before an accident happens, or leaving the dog out in the yard because a job went too late.  If I had a big house and dog again, I'd be grateful for the opportunity to entertain and have more guests over, and for having a regular walking companion that made me get home at a decent hour.

Reality: I may never have perfect skin.
I've already spent too many years trying to look different than I do, rather than just being happy in the skin I have.  I've noticed that the most attractive people are those who are comfortable expressing their joy and who share their smile easily with others.  I don't need perfect skin to give someone a smile or to be joyful.  I don't need to be skinnier, shorter, taller, or have straighter teeth to exude happiness wherever I go.  If I had great skin, there would probably be something else I needed to get over in order to be comfortable and happy with myself- which is why I'm learning to be happy as I am and grateful that there is beauty in imperfection.



I've seen too many people complain about what they don't have rather than appreciate all that they have- and even if our lives are exactly the same- the difference between their unhappiness and my happiness is that I'm choosing to live without expectations that things should be different.  I simply have gratitude for the way things are.  This doesn't mean I don't have goals or hopes for the future to keep me motivated and moving forward, or that I don't work toward making things better, it just means that my happiness isn't contingent on everything working out the way I'd like it to.  It means I'm not resentful or jealous of anyone else and I have no regrets about my past- instead, I'm simply grateful for all that life has taught me about letting go of expectations and learning to appreciate right now.

{If you appreciated this post, please share with those you think could benefit as well and join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing your own gratitude journal and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

(Images are from the Fairytales and Fantasies production by Miracle Providers Northeast)