Integrity Challenges - Gratitude Journal #8

I think we've all found ourselves in a situation at one point or another when our integrity was tested. Most often we encounter this challenge when our actions aren't perceived to match up with our words, or when someone says we aren't "practicing what we preach." Sometimes it's as simple as missing a deadline, or failing to deliver on a promise we've made to someone in writing or even by suggestion. This constant #FAIL at life and business happened in royal-flush-spades for me during post-production for the wedding above. It was the biggest wedding I'd ever done and I thought I'd over-prepared for everything I was going to encounter, and yet still there was more I never could have foreseen. I was tested to the point of tears, breakdown, and pure exhaustion.

I'm grateful for these lessons that have challenged me to deal with difficult situations better, especially when much of a situation is spiraling out of my control when I feel like I should have it all under control. I am sincerely grateful for the tears I ended up shedding on the phone with this client when I was faced with the fact that I had made promises I wasn't keeping. I spent a lot of money and time making it right, but they had also invested a lot of money and time in me and my talent. I take their trust in me very seriously, especially because that trust is derived from the promises I make. When I screw up- I admit it and I fix it.

As nice as it is for people to be polite about their feelings and not wanting to upset anyone, please, call me out when I'm acting like a hypocrite or I've made a promise I haven't kept. Do it with love for who you know I aspire to be even if I haven't figured out how to be that amazing just yet. I am human. I make mistakes. I am not perfect and I know it. Integrity is a big deal to me, and when I'm not being true to my word, I want to be called on it. It might lead to frustration and anger if I'm not prepared to face the hard truth, but it's because I am frustrated with myself for not realizing that I was doing something against the value system that I believe so strongly in.

Likewise, when you tell me I've been acting against my values when I feel strongly that I'm in line with my values, you give me an opportunity to share my reasoning or understanding of those values. Perhaps we understand certain words or values differently from one another and what is perceived as hypocrisy to you, is really just a different interpretation of the same word, or a different interpretation of how that word plays out in actions. If you talk to me about it, we can both reach a new understanding together. We may even end up agreeing to disagree, but at least we will understand where each person is coming from and how our actions may be perceived by others we encounter on a regular basis.

Try to understand me before you judge me. Ask me to explain and clarify before you assume. It takes more time, but the results are far more peaceful and less harmful. We cannot control how others perceive us, but we can have patience and understanding that perhaps their world view is so different from our own that they don't even know when what they've done has had such a negative impact on us. When we hold onto hate, we hold onto burden and baggage that we don't need to carry. It does not weight the other person down, it only weighs us down, which means it's our responsibility to address it and understand it better from a different perspective. Once we reach a point of understanding, we can have greater peace of mind and flexibility in sharing more easily with those who do not have our same values or perspectives on the world. When you seek to understand others, you are seeking a sense of peace for yourself.

While being inspired to write this post, I ran into this cute comic, which describes a lot of why people tend to misunderstand and get angry with people they don't agree with...

[Get more Girlie Pains]

I also ran into this, which explains my approach to gratitude...
More on the Use and Misuse of Gratitude from Deepak Chopra

{If you appreciated this post, please join me in my journey to have a greater positive impact on the world by writing your own gratitude journal and sharing it or a link to it in the comments below. I would love to read your moments of gratitude and share them with others!}

Great Ocean Road Rainbow - One Minute Vacation

While traveling the Great Ocean Road in Victoria, Australia - we encountered several storms and several rainbows. This one appeared when we had taken a break to walk the beach together. I was able to capture it just before it disappeared again and I wanted to share it with you so that you could have a minute to stop and appreciate it as well. Take as many one minute vacations as you need to help you relax and feel refreshed.

Ugly Betty to Betty Boop #2 - My Story of Weight Loss from the Inside Out

Being fat is a process, much like being healthy. It's a process of choices that we make every day. For me, that process started somewhere around my 23rd trip around the sun and shortly after becoming engaged to my husband. In many ways, it felt a bit like a switch had been flipped and instead of my body converting food into energy, it was converting food into fat. I didn't feel like I had made drastic changes to my diet or exercise routine, yet my favorite clothes were no longer fitting me and it was becoming harder to shop the clearance rack for a regular size. I always considered myself the person who could eat anything and not gain weight, but a new pound of fat each month was quite clearly telling me otherwise.

[WARNING: Too much information ahead]

Gaining weight wan't my only problem- other changes were happening as well. I started missing periods, I started growing dark hair in places that I hadn't before, my skin started breaking out more, and instead of gaining weight all over, a lot of my weight was ending up around my abdomen. The university nurse practitioner wondered if I suddenly had poly-cycstic ovarian syndrome, but after testing for several of the regular symptoms associated with PCOS and getting negative results, the verdict was inconclusive. Several other doctors and multiple tests later, the results still do not point to signs of PCOS. According to blood tests, I also wasn't diabetic, and even though my thyroid was slightly lower than average, it wasn't low enough to cause a metabolic shut down. By normal medical measures, I was a happy and healthy person. I always had low blood pressure and a healthy heart rate, and I could still crank out 45 minutes of intense cardio whenever I wanted.

My trips to the gym didn't seem to have any affect on the pounds of fat that I wanted to eliminate before getting into a wedding dress. Exercise also wasn't helping me recognize the stranger I started seeing in photographs of myself. If Facebook had been around, I probably would have untagged myself from all photos simply because I didn't recognize myself. That stranger looked like an overweight stunt double version of me, but it certainly didn't look like the Anne I knew and loved. I always had that weird feeling when I looked at pictures of myself, as many people do- the person in photos feeling different from the person in the mirror, but that's easily explained. A picture is how other people see us, a mirror is a reverse image of our body. I knew what that felt like, but this unrecognizable person just looked like an alien to me, not even a reverse image of myself, more like a "Nutty Professor" version of myself.

The more I denied that the overweight stranger in the photos was me, the more weight I gained. My body stopped looking like a chunky hourglass and started looking like a fat person. I no longer felt comfortable showing off my figure and started to wear clothes that hid my best features rather than highlighting them. Shopping became more frustrating as I was no longer able to shop average size racks and had to start looking in the plus sections. Finding clothes that didn't make me feel like an old bag lady became increasingly difficult. I kept putting stakes in the ground when it came to weight gain. The first stake was 200lbs. I decided that if I reached 200lbs, I would start making drastic changes. I'm not even sure when I hit 200lbs, but I have a feeling it was somewhere during a point in time when I was too consumed with work to implement any real changes. The next time I was able to think about my health, the stake was moved to 230lbs. It wasn't until I reached 260lbs that I actually started to take control of my health and make real changes happen.