Ugly Betty to Betty Boop #3 - My Story of Weight Loss from the Inside Out

posted on: May 17, 2012

Fat is the modern version of medieval armor.  The more fat we have, the less other people's energies and negativities can get to us.  This may also by why fat people seem to be more "jovial" on the outside than our skinnier equivalents - as fat people, we can be perfectly content in our own inner world no matter what's happening outside of us.  We can choose to put another sugar and cholesterol laden cupcake in our mouth instead of spewing out hateful thoughts and feelings toward others.  A layer of fat is like a force field for any negativity we don't want to experience.  Some of us learn how to deal with negativity early in life, and therefor, never need a layer of protection.  Some of us acquire negativities and sensitivities as we just go about our natural life and encounter other people, who have their own issues, which they project onto us.

What I experienced as a teenager was typical for a girl who had full boobs, a long torso, a small waist, a booty, and long legs.  As I walked down the street, whistles would slide off the tongues of men sitting on the street, and honks would blurt from car horns rolling by.  Men looked me up and down like a piece of meat to be devoured, and as a teenage girl without a strong relationship with her father, I enjoyed every bit of this attention.  Somehow, even though it was a primal and animalistic response like a gorilla grunt and a bird mating call, it served my base need to be validated as beautiful and loved.  It was the attention I hadn't received from the man I had most wanted it from- but I was tall enough and appeared to be strong enough that no one actually dared to mess with me directly.  I was a frickin' Wonder Woman- an Amazonian Goddess with white freckled skin.

Shorts were always too short for my long legs, and therefore, I always appeared to be wearing "short shorts".  Shirts were also too short for my long torso, which was exaggerated by my larger boobs, so there was often a gap between the top of my pants and the bottom of my shirt- baring the keyhole to my body.  To many men, I learned that this was a neon "Hot Now" sign, signaling fresh Krispy Kreme donuts inside.  Unfortunately, this was not at all what I had intended by simply getting dressed each morning, yet it became my daily experience, especially during scorching hot summers in Arizona and sticky humid summers in Michigan, when my only other option was to dehydrate from sweating in long sleeves and long pants.  I traded comfort in my bodily temperature for cat calls, and at the time, I was fine with that.  I was a teenager- fearless with a rock solid ego like a castle wall.

The only time I needed to start developing an armor, was when I met someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  Some people lose their armor when they find the love of their life.  What I didn't realize, was that marriage was about to bring on a battle of epic proportions with the karmic male demons of my past.


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