June 6, 2020

Black Lives Matter - Adventure Year Week 51

This was a week of reckoning with the soul-crushing racism and authoritative brutality that continues to exist in society.  I won't even limit it to American society, because England was even more openly and vocally racist the last two times I visited.  The difference in England is that their racists and police officers are less likely to kill their citizens or immigrants because violence is not an acceptable part of their culture.  Whereas Americans continue to glorify violence through widespread military use, gun ownership, physically violent sports, and acceptance of police brutality.



 Even though Black Eyed Peas made this song 10 years ago, it's still as relevant as ever.







The desire to fight for justice... the exhaustion of having fought for so long... the need for peace... the inward draw to tune it all out... we can feel them all at once in the same way that we hold all these different flowers in the same bud vase. No one can tell you the right way to behave or respond to all these feelings- you have to rely on your own internal compass and hope it steers you home safely at the end of the day no matter what you decide. As for me... I have no steam to fight, so I try to find peace in nature. When I’m too sensitive to the aggressions of others, even when they are being used to help shift systemic change for a positive end, I still have to choose to disconnect from the energy of anger because it feels like a sunburn on my skin. None of us asked to be born into this skin or country we’re in, but here we are, still trying to deal and heal our DNA and traumatic patterns that began long before we came. My internal compass is always trying to steer me back to peace, to compassion, to calm waters, to looking for the helpers rather than fighting the aggressors. My mind works to figure out how I can create change from the inside by lifting people up, amplifying their voices, speaking up when someone else feels silenced, and finding ways to work the system with the privileges I have to get more people on the inside when they feel on the outside. I can’t fight anyone else’s fight for them, but I can say, I’m here. I see you. I feel it all too. When you need peace, I have a heart that continues to hold space for your healing, so you can recover from the fight.
A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on



An eyewitness video of George Floyd losing his breath and his life to a police officer kneeling on his neck for 8min 46sec grabbed the world by the heart and refused to let go.  I still begin crying just thinking about the brutality and heartlessness of that moment, and how these images are often hidden, deleted, silenced, and swept under the rug where no other eyewitnesses are present and recording the disgusting behavior of an openly racist and violent person.  This came after also seeing an eye-witness account of Ahmaud Arbery being shot while running in a neighborhood and having done nothing wrong.  The senselessness of this violence that came with an attitude of white superiority and righteousness lifted the veil of our collective illusions and gave us a window into the hatred and heartlessness that continues to exist in society.  The world took to the streets in protest, and then our racist president tried to eliminate and silence those protests in DC with tear gas and rubber bullets for a publicity stunt.








As hard as I try, I find nothing to smile about in this moment. A president of the United States ordered the tear gassing of his own citizens while they were exercising their first amendment rights to peaceful assembly and protest in Washington DC. He did it for a photo opportunity in front of a church that he did not even pray in. He will deny all of this, despite the church itself bearing witness to his actions and condemning them. Dear Military and Police Officers- I know you live your life by the chain of command- but you can also quit your job on the spot before you deliver orders to potentially hurt the very people you have been called to protect. You have a mind, heart, and soul of your own, and a god you need to reckon with who is greater than your chain of command. Do the right thing.
A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on


Those recorded moments crushed my soul and millions of other souls as well.  We all heard these things had been happening, but as white people, we are often insulated from seeing it first hand.  Things like this don't generally happen in our presence.  Micro-aggressions or racist comments might happen - but this kind of brutality was something many of us had been blind too until the moment it reached our personal friend-feeds playing the eyewitness videos.  These were so heartless and spirit-breaking that the world collectively decided we just couldn't take this anymore.  We couldn't keep allowing people like this to stay in positions of power, we needed to rally to make larger changes.



My form of rallying, without showing up for a protest, was to black out my social media images and then to share stories in my Instagram stories and on my Facebook wall from my darker skinned friends who were sharing tons of great perspectives and resources that resonated strongly in the moment with calls to actions and discussions on how white people can be better allies of support.







Most racism grows from the seed of ignorance, fed by distance. If you only understand people who aren’t like you through things like movies, television drama, celebrities, negative news reports, or racist comments made by others in your environment, than you lack the intimacy necessary to have a more compassionate understanding of what someone else is really going through in their daily life. How do you rectify this when you are physically so far removed from people who are not like you? You follow people online who are different from you, rather than people who only echo back your own established ways of living, thinking, and being in the world. We are fortunate to live in a time of abundance and access, in which total strangers completely unlike you are generous and open about sharing their life, their thoughts, their work, their struggles, their heart with the world. Following them is now as easy as following your favorite celebrity, your cousin, your neighbor, or your best friend. In my stories, I have been sharing some of the voices I have been tuning into more closely during this time so that I may have a better understanding of how I can do better, how I can be more supportive, and what people who have a different experience in this world from me need during this time. Because I have been listening, I know it’s important not to put the emotional labor of educating myself on the backs of anyone else. Because I have been listening, I know this trauma is hitting other people at a much deeper and more intimate level than I will ever experience in my whiteness. Because I have been listening, I have gained more ideas about how to use my privilege to benefit more people. Because I have been listening, I want you to start listening too. To my friends mentioned in my stories, or in tags, who are generous and sharing their lives and hearts openly, I thank you. If I have listed your name you wish to be removed for greater privacy- tell me and I’ll remove or edit the post. I raise all these voices for the beauty, love, heart, soul, and creative spark they add to this world. Please follow them, listen to them, and learn from them.
A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on

I needed people to see my friends as I see them- full of heart, passion, and desire for recognition and justice in a time when they have so often felt silenced and dismissed.  I wanted to amplify their voices during a time when people were FINALLY ready to listen to a perspective outside of their own bubble.  I won't know if my efforts made a difference, but my hope is that it collectively connected many more people who had not previously been connected, and through that connection, we may begin understanding each other better and expanding the larger worldview and perspective on society as it resonates and reacts to all people, not just white privileged people. Even with all of the evidence that this violence is simply unacceptable, there were STILL people who focused on the property destruction caused by looters who were not there to protest, but there to take advantage of a movement in order to create more chaos and destruction that would fall on the backs of protestors.








This does not mean looting is OK- it means that the focus of our grief and our unrest should be on the human lives being harmed- rather than on things which can be insured, repaired, and easily replaced. You can’t easily replace someone’s father or someone’s daughter. You can’t easily remove the trauma or the health condition acquired from unchecked police brutality. That’s why the focus always needs to be on people before property. The White House is currently fortifying itself as if ready to engage in battle. Take a moment to consider the level of racism and hate required for this *American* to create such a barricade to protect himself against the people he swore to serve. He wants to physically separate himself from all of the hate and unrest that he has created in this nation. To the people who may want to protest in DC- don’t take the bait. Don’t line up against a fence where you may be harmed from a fortified distance. This is a set up. It’s a stage being set for a drama. Don’t give him the satisfaction of taking your time, your energy, or your precious breath and health. He feeds off angry energy, it’s like fuel for his ego. Let him rot in the sequestered cage of his own making. Let his words fall on deaf ears. Let his pen refuse to work. Let him experience the isolation and separation that he has inflicted on many families seeking asylum on our land. Let his own oppression take care of him, and don’t let any harm or malice fall on you by trying to right his wrongs for him. Focus on making your home good, your family strong, and your friends feel welcome at your table. Organize and engage in your community to change the culture at your local and state levels so that racists and selfish leaders will no longer hold positions of power in your community. Focus on the people, not the property. Protest if you must, but do it safely and with the goal of organizing and uniting to create lasting and systemic changes. (Thanks to @jsheel for sharing this graphic.)
A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on


At the end of this week, I find myself like many of my fellow Americans, frustrated, sad, grieving, angry, and passionate about wanting to create change at all levels of society.  I have had no problem standing between a black man and a white racist, using my white female privilege to do so- and I have taken that action on a couple occasions- and witnessed the power of how it made a difference in the entire room, and helped rally more allies to shut down racism in communities.  Yet, there are also still times when I have failed to find the words in time to make a difference, or I have failed to show up as a support system when I didn't know what I could do to help.  All we can do is keep trying, keep learning, and keep aiming to be better people.  The dance of this week has been one of trying to be supportive without backing down, while also facing all of these tough and soul-crushing emotions.    Yet this is the work that black activists have been engaged in for CENTURIES.  Showing up in these moments takes strength and courage, and those muscles and instincts only really get a chance to be flexed when things get tough.  I am so grateful for my friends of color who help me understand what more I can do and how I can be supportive.








Max wants to know when all the problems will be over? The pandemic, the racism, the unemployment, the political fighting, the police brutality, the lockdowns, the protest curfews, the social distancing... the latent and pervasive rage laced with heavy and exhausting grief? Unfortunately, I don’t have much good news to deliver him, but I remind him that it’s important to deal with these problems. Dealing with them means learning from them. Maybe we can learn enough to create more lasting changes that make the future much better and more equitable than the past. Max: Can we just play ball all day? We could keep ourselves distracted in order to recover or take a break from it all, but if we ignore everything, we will also be more likely to repeat the same issues in the future- so it’s good to take some time to listen and understand what people are feeling upset about. Max: OK, but then can we play ball again? Sure, and maybe we’ll get some ice cream too. I agree that it’s important to find a sense of balance so that we aren’t constantly overwhelmed and stressed by it all. If we feel angry, we also need to find a way to regain our peace. If we feel sad, we also need to find ways to have moments of joy. Emotional and mental wellness are all just as important to learn about during this time too.
A post shared by Anne’s Adventure Journal (@anneruthmann) on


As I sit here in Michigan, from my computer, quarantined for the 84th day - I have no desire to protest, but if I did, I would be rallying with Jon Batiste in Union Square NYC for a musical movement for peace.  Instead, I bought his latest album of Meditations, a collaboration with Cory Wong, to help support his call for peace and healing through music and have been playing it on repeat all morning long.

No comments:

Post a Comment